The last few weeks have truly tested my resolve, sanity and will. In short, after a traumatic incident I had to find somewhere else to live and move house, and not being able to drive only becomes an issue when you have to move out quickly.
While I am now in a new place, I feel disorientated and exhausted. I had a few hours to move in-between work, training and a conference last week (interesting, yet long). I really need to stop panic moving! It is not good for my stress! I’ve not been able to do any art for a while either, although before this I was having a creative block which I had hoped was lifting. I may have to get a new desk because drawing on my knees in bed has lost its appeal after 10 years! One day I might have my own place, where I can set up a craft corner, have my supplies exactly where I want and spend my time making a mess 🙂
I don’t think I have given myself enough distance from this to see it with a positive or even neutral perspective. Maybe after I am settled in my new room – which is in the loft! – I will feel better and more like myself. I’ve half unpacked and don’t feel like I chose this place for any reason other than out of need.
I think it is lack of control over our lives that lead us to feel so many negative emotions. That and no space or time to enjoy things. I’ve literally felt like I am existing at the moment, not being able to draw, paint, plan projects. It is an troublesome feeling, like I am grasping to get something back and to believe I am the person who directs my life. But how often do we bump up against others who try to enforce their own ideas or will onto us and our lives? How much of a compromise should we make? How important is our own happiness at the expense of others?
I guess these are things I will explore through my journal, hopefully this week.